Re:hey there
by Savagesavant
Summary: Shepard discovers that the only thing harder than coming back from a suicide mission is trying to write an email to the woman he loves


Re:hey there

By Humbleguy

(sorry for jumping from the end of mass effect 1 to the end of mass effect 2. This is just a short story I came up with about Shepard replying to Ashley's email after the collector base quick side note, **Bold** is supposed to be Shepard's renegade side talking. _Italics_ is Shepard's paragon side. Everything else is neutral Shepard.)

"God damn it" he said face in his hands. He looked up at the still blank message in front of him, just hoping that the words he wanted would appear on the screen "Why the hell is this is this so hard!" It had been a week since the suicide mission. He had kept telling himself to wait. He didn't want to reignite whatever they had only to die again, like an emotional cock-tease. Yet, here he sat for the last two hours with nothing but a blank screen staring back at him. He started arguing with himself a couple minutes ago and now he couldn't stop.

**Stop being an idiot you know what you want to say so just fucking say it.**

_But how?_

**BY TYPING THE WORDS ON THE GODDAMN KEYBOARD!**

_What the hell am I supposed to say? "I love you so please abandon everything you've worked for your whole life to be with me." _

**not...exactly like that**

_I mean Christ after Horizon, how do I know she still love me too?_

**That was your fault not hers, and she already forgave you for that.  
**

_It's still been two years!_

**Look you read the email practically fifty times, remember. **_"I prayed for you **every day**, and then you came back and it was like my prayers were answered."_

_Yeah, but I also remember. "but I'm not who I was then, and neither are you."_

**But you are! You are the exact same person you were back then!**

_It wouldn't be the same. Things have changed._

**No they haven't! Not a damn thing has changed you're still Shepard, The Normandy is still your ship, Joker is still your pilot, The council is still doing nothing, Udina is still an ass, and the reapers are still coming.**

_Then I can't let her distract me from the mission at hand. Lives are depending on me, even her's. I can try to be with her after the reapers are dead._

**You might not get that chance. Is it really that selfish to give yourself this one thing, this one beautiful thing?**

_Only if she doesn't want to be with me. I'd only consider it if she wanted it._

**Fair enough, you love her right?**

_More than anything else in the galaxy._

**Then it's worth finding out if she feels the same.**

"Done." he said to convince himself. He had been amending and reorganizing the email for the past three hours. Even though it wasn't that long(about the same length as hers). He felt satisfied with it. Shepard typed in her email address as he felt A mix of anticipation, anxiety, hope, and fear wash over him. It was the same feeling he got as they entered the omega 4 relay. He hit send. Hopefully the email would go over just as well.

To:Ashley,

I'm sorry for what happened on Horizon. I wanted to contact you but I didn't want Cerberus using you if they ever found out about us. Yet that's exactly what happened. They used you for their own gain and I should have seen it coming. I hope you can forgive me. The second my mission was complete, I cut all ties with them, and Anderson is getting me back in with the Alliance as we speak.

I just wanted to say thanks for the email you sent me. I've been reading it every night since I got it. You have no idea how much that helped me through these last couple of weeks. It's weird everything and everyone I once knew is suddenly alien now. I feel out of place and out of touch. You said that we're not the same people we once were, but that's not true. I'm the exact same person I was when I died. I don't know what pisses me off more, how much things have changed, or how much they haven't.

But I do know that for the past five hours, I have been sitting at this terminal thinking of what I want to say to you, _what I want to do to you_, and how I can get you back on the Normandy. If you want to come of course. It's up to you and I'll be fine if you don't want to, but I do want you here Ash, and I do miss you.

Because you're worth it,

Shepard


End file.
